Return
by queerpoet
Summary: Reid comes back from the dead. Luke and Reid reunite.


You, a caged bird singing at the wake.

You, an enormous burden on my exhausted brain.

You, plunged inside my mind, mind over matter, damn you for squirming there.

You, you lord of my agony.

You, grasped my heart in your hands, held it tight.

Tighter.

Right there.

Grind against you, my hands plunging against your length.

You, you walked away, left me grieving.

You, you closed your eyes, didn't even say goodbye, blood clinging to your hair.

You, you didn't even say my name, just slipped into an empty abyss.

You, you left me here, holding your ashes in my palms.

You, you held me, cringing at the bright daylight.

The sun winces, hurts my eyes.

Shut them, rock back and forth, holding what remains of your remains in my fumbling hands.

You, you found me, held me, pushed back from the shore.

You, you kissed me, groaned against my mouth.

You, your hair tangled in my hands.

You, you wormed your way inside, left him lingering, so much ashes.

You, you bring me back from the brink, whimpering.

You, you whimper, It's okay, Luke. I'm here now. It was a mistake. I'm here now.

You, your ashes fall from my fingertips, the shitty cardboard box flopping them into the sand.

You, your tears falls on my cheeks, my face is hot like fire.

You, I find your stomach, dig in hard enough to tear the skin.

You, you hold me, letting nothing but the sun seep through our bodies.

You, Reid Oliver.

You, love me like no other.

You squirm inside me and rest, unyielding.

You, I love.

You, I crave.

You. You. You.

_Suddenly, breath extinguishes from him, a muted flame. He writhes on the bed, pain exploding in every orifice. He screams, soundless. His eyes blink rapidly, as he haunts the room for an unknown paramour._

_A nurse hurries to his side, grasps his hand firmly._

_"Dr. Oliver," she murmurs. "You're safe now. Your body is beginning to heal."_

_Unseeing, his gaze locks with hers. He clenches her hand with a weak fist. His fingers probe her palm._

_"Luke," he mumbles. "Luke."_

_He falls into a mercifully pain-free sleep. _

_The next time he wakes, the nurse is adjusting his IV. She wipes his sweaty brow with a washcloth, and sets it into a basin._

_"How are you feeling this morning?" she asks._

_He rolls his tongue around his lips, trying to find moisture. She sees his need and gives him water with a straw._

_He drinks it, greedily. His eyes narrow and he regards the nurse with confusion. _

_"What -" he stumbles on the words, and rolls his eyes. "What -"_

_"You were hit by a train," she answers, matter of fact. "You were trying to beat the train to the hospital, and your car stalled. Your injuries were severe, as you can imagine."_

_"How did I -"_

_Memory floods him, and he closes his eyes with physical pain._

_**"Who knew I had one to give?"**_

_"I died." he states flatly._

_"Just for a few minutes." she says, attempting comfort. He doesn't buy it, for a second._

_"You said goodbye to your loved ones, and then you flatlined. They took you into surgery for a heart transplant, then you woke up on the table. Screamed bloody murder, so I hear. They didn't want to alarm anyone, so they brought you here. We have a stronger sense of ethics than Memorial. We've patched you up rather nicely."  
_

_"Loved ones?" he echoes skeptically. "Luke!" Reid begins to thrash on the bed, and attempts to sit up. "Luke!" _

_She pushes him back on the bed, gently. _

_"Dr. Oliver, try to stay calm. You need your rest."_

_"I want to be discharged. Right fucking now."_

_"That's impossible. You're far too weak." _

_"Lady, I'm really grateful to you and your hospital for saving my life. But if I understand you right, my boyfriend thinks I'm dead. And since we were on the cusp of spending the rest of our lives together, I can't let him think that for one second longer. So -" he summons some unknown of strength and clasps her hand. "Release me right now, or -"_

_She releases his hand smoothly, and regards him with a scientific curiosity._

_"Try to stand." she interrupts. _

_"What are you -"_

_"Dr. Oliver, you're a world class neurosurgeon. You should know all too well the effects of a train crash on the human body. It's a miracle you're even breathing, let alone talking."_

_He crosses his arms and frowns at her. To his surprise, she doesn't flinch. _

_He doesn't try to get out of bed. Reid knows he's not strong enough._

_To her credit, the nurse keeps the smugness in her voice to a minimum. "That's what I thought. We'll get you back to your life, Reid. It will just take some time."_

_He fights with himself, and looks down into his lap. Every instinct is telling him to leap out of bed, and find Luke, but he knows the minute he tries, he'll fall onto the floor in a weak mass. Even arguing with this nurse has drained his strength._

_He contains a yawn, and hates himself for what comes out of his mouth._

_"What do I have to do? I'll do - **anything **- to go home."_

_She pats his shoulder, readjusts his blanket._

_"Good. We'll start tomorrow."_

The words drip out of him, day by day. He covers his notebook with sprawling odes to lost love, and tender memories. When he reaches the end of their time, he begins to create fiction. The first time he entered Reid, undressed him. They sank back onto the bed, Reid's hands digging into Luke's back. His grip is tenuous, and Luke bucks forward, grasping his mouth for a desperate kiss.

"I've got you," he whispers. "I've got you."

Luke kicks Reid's jeans off, and stares down at his bulge. He peels back Reid's boxers, as Reid grunts loudly.

His voice is a balm to Luke's broken heart.

Luke's mouth is practically watering, as he finally strips away the boxers. He tilts forward to gingerly lick Reid's cock, but Reid's hands are on his shoulders now. He wiggles out from underneath Luke, and lays next to him.

"Something's wrong," Reid says, bemused. "I can't -"

The slow panic emerges and Luke squeezes Reid's arm, in a death grip.

"Are you okay?" he says slowly. "Reid?"

Reid's skin is pale. He blinks his eyes rapidly, and tries to maintain eye contact. But blood begins to pool on his forehead from a suddenly appearing wound. His fingers are numb.

"Reid ..." Luke hisses, suddenly aware of what's wrong. He shakes his boyfriend roughly, but there's no noticeable response.

"Reid, c'mon." Luke whimpers. He finds Reid's pulse with his fingers, in desperate need. It's soft, barely there. "Don't do this. C'mon, Reid. Fight it, Reid. I know you can do this. Please -" [i]_Please, please, please don't leave me.[/i]_

He refuses to say the words out loud, but they echo anyway in the suddenly silent room.

Luke wakes up, screaming. He is covered in sweat, and Reid - Reid is still gone.

He bites his hand to mute the sound, but the hoarse, whining gasps come out anyway, like a dying animal.

He can't be alone in his room anymore. He gets up, and steps silently out of the room, down the stairs.

Out the door, bare feet in the brisk winter air.

He's at Snyder Pond before he's consciously aware of his surroundings.

"Fuck you, Reid Oliver." he says gruffly. The moon is covered by clouds, and the air is damp and unforgiving.

"You know tomorrow will be the three month anniversary of your death day." he says bitterly. "You like that? I came up with it myself.

"Your uncle came to your funeral." he continues. "No offense, but he seems like an asshole. It's not like you're around to tell him. Who knew you had such an urge to play the god damned hero? What were you even thinking, trying to outrun a train?

"The coroner called right after your wake. He said that if you'd waited thirty seconds, your car would have stalled out after the train passed. You could have called fucking AAA and gotten a ride to the hospital to pick up the heart. By the way, are you aware that it's illegal to steal a heart? Did you check that out before you went on your errand?"

He runs out of the breath, and stoops in front of the water, sweaty and panting.

"Big fucking hero." he mumbles.

He tosses some gravel into the water, and watches with fascination as the ripples converge in the water.

"I loved you, you know that." he whispers. "I never got to tell you that, without making it a joke. So stupid." He scrubs his hair back from his face, and stands to dive into the water. It's the dead of winter, but he just needs to stop thinking, stop feeling, stop breathing without Reid for one fucking minute.

He wades into the water, and soon enough it's up to his chest. He dunks his head underneath, and revels in the chilling sensation whipping against his hair, his cheeks, his arms.

He opens his eyes to stare up at the night sky.

He's almost - happy.

Suddenly, he chokes on the water. Through his blurred vision, he sees - no it can't be.

His head breaks the surface, and he spits out the water, blinks quickly to try to clear it from his vision. Blackness encroaches though, and he feels warm hands pull him back onto the shore.

Warm hands slide against his hair, tender wisps of feeling. He squirms against the touch, fumbles for the hand.

"Luke Snyder, you are trying to kill me," he hears, soft, thready against his hair. The hands stop fussing with his hair, instead cup his cheeks, familiar, steady, overwhelming.

It's enough to push away the fatigue.

"Oh god," he murmurs. "Oh god." Finally, finally, his eyes cooperate, and he stares up into -

"You - " skates out of his mouth. "You -" he pushes off the sand, head slamming into - Reid - _Reid's_ - cheeks.

Moisture, not from the pond, leaks from Luke's eyes. Reid grins, and wipes the tears away with trembling thumbs.

_[i]The work begins the next day, and continues for several weeks. The doctors wean him off the pain medication, and give him daily massages so his muscles won't atrophy from disuse._

_When he stands on his own a month after waking up, he crows with triumph._

_"I want to call Luke," he pleads, hating the whining in his voice. "He needs to know I'm alive."_

_"Not a good idea," they say. "You could relapse at any moment. We need to get you stronger."_

_He agrees, reluctantly._

_At night, when they think he's sleeping, he walks back and forth in the hospital room. They left a cane for physical therapy, and at first he leans on it heavily._

_The day he's able to walk without assistance, he orders the doctor to release him from the hospital._

_One of the hospital employees drives him back to Oakdale. He asks to be let out at the farm; he just knows Luke is there. _

_He gets out just in time to watch Luke stumble to the pond. He follows him, but he's still recovering and has to rest often._

_Finally, he reaches the shore. He watches in horror as Luke dives into the freezing water. _

_On autopilot, he rushes forward, bends down, and pulls the shivering Luke into his arms._

_"Luke Snyder, you are trying to kill me." he chides, forcefully rubbing warmth back into Luke's body.[/i]_

"Luke," he says, somber. A benediction on his lips. "I'm back."

Luke's breath comes fast, he can't quite capture the oxygen. His hands fist in Reid's hair, and he's suddenly trying to cry, and trying to breathe at the same time. He can't manage both. So he just dissolves into a sobbing mass, clutching at any body part he can grasp. Reid's hair, Reid's cheeks, Reid's mouth.

"Okay." Reid says gently. "Okay." He edges even closer, capturing Luke into a fierce hug. His fingers interlock, holding Luke with surgical precision. "I didn't know I was alive. They tried to do the transplant, but I woke up on the table, yelling for you. They rushed me to surgery, but I've been in a coma. I woke up, and was too weak to leave. I worked - so hard - to come back to you. I'm sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry you had to -"

"D-don't," Luke grits. "I don't care why you're - I just want you to -"

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and crushes his lips against Reid's mouth. His tongue plunders Reid's crevices, and Reid reacts on instinct. His hand finds Luke's nipple, and massages it with his thumb.

Luke leans into the touch, and gingerly unbuttons Reid's coat. He traces Reid's shirt, slowly, with his fingertips. The material is thin, and he spies a faded scar on his chest.

He stares at it, transfixed.

"They stopped, Luke." Reid stresses firmly. "They made a surface incision, and then I opened my eyes. I must have scared the crap out of Dixon." He takes Luke's hand, and squeezes it, tight and tender. Luke welcomes the firm pressure, and squeezes back.

"They didn't take anything from me." Reid says. "Except -"

Reid stumbles on the words, and closes his eyes for a long moment. When he opens them, Luke is scared. Something's different. He's clearly exhausted.

"Let's get out of this wind," Luke says quickly. "You're still recovering, right?"

Reid nods, gratefully. "Thank you." He turns to go back to the house, and stumbles in the darkness.

Luke is there, holding him up with strong arms.

"It'll be fine now, right?" he whispers into Reid's ear. He slowly walks them back to Luke's house.

"Absolutely," Reid says softly. "I have a clean bill of health, but I pushed them to release me early. I had to see you. I just have to take it easy, for awhile."

"We can do that, Reid." Luke replies, smiling. "I'll do anything to keep you around."

"Anything, huh?" Reid says reflectively. "I knew you'd say that."

They walk together in silence for a few moments. Reid's breathing is heavy and labored, and Luke forces him to stop for a rest. He spies an oak tree a few feet away, and guides Reid towards it.

"Don't overdo it, Reid." he says gently, cupping Reid's cheek with his palm. "I can't lose you again."

Reid watches the pain flash across Luke's face, and wants to wipe that anguish away. He grabs the belt buckle on Luke's jeans, and pulls him forward.

"You won't," he whispers. He doesn't kiss Luke yet, just holds him inches away. Reid's eyes lock with Luke, and his hand rests on Luke's ass.

Reid watches Luke's tongue dart in and out, wetting his lips. He can't stop staring at that delightful pinkness. He claims Luke's mouth with a low moan, licking Luke's lips with his own tongue first.

His left hands releases Luke's belt buckle, and travels upward underneath his shirt. Luke's stomach is shockingly warm, and Reid massages it in quickening strokes. His hardness touches Luke's burgeoning erection, and Luke cries out, in what could be pain.

Reid breaks away to breathe, his eyes heavy with lust.

"Are you sure?" Luke pants.

Reid guides Luke's hand to his erection in answer.

"I can't - I don't want to hurt you." Luke mumbles.

"You could never hurt me," Reid assures him. His hands hold Luke's cheeks tightly. He lays a gentle kiss on Luke's mouth, and rubs noses.

His voice is a low rumble. "I need you, Mr. Snyder."

Luke's mouth falls open in a small O, and he sobs softly. "The last time we did this, you died." he says, quivering.

"I'm right here." Reid answers. He strokes Luke's cheek firmly. "I promise. You're stuck with me now."

Luke nods once, and unbuttons Reid's pants. He palms Reid's erection, and strokes it gingerly.

Reid begins to jerk against his hand, trying to encourage him.

Luke's hands are trembling, and he can't concentrate. In his mind's eye, he sees Reid flatlining, which morphs into his earlier dreams, blood pooling on Reid's forehead, Reid turning pale and ashen.

His hands drop away, and he begins to shake in earnest.

"I c-can't." he says. He turns his head away to hide the tears. "I just can't. You died. You got fucking hit by a train, and died in front of me. Now you're suddenly alive, and can't even walk fifty feet without being out of breath, and you want me to fuck you in the middle of this field against a tree? Are you out of your fucking mind? You're an asshole. You don't get to die, and then show up and expect everything to be the same."

He turns back and glares at Reid, in a full-on rage. "You died." he repeats bitterly. "And every night since then, I dream you're alive. I dream you're alive, and we're about to have sex, and then you die. _Again._ So forgive me if I can't fucking do this right now."

Luke crosses his arms, and tries to hold onto his anger. But it's hard, because Reid's eyes are glimmering with something that could be tears. He's in awe of this suddenly irate Luke Snyder, and he has a vivid memory of the night Luke raged at him the night of Noah's surgery.

Reid's mouth breaks into a wide, unvarnished grin.

He pushes off the tree trunk, and falls into Luke into a loose embrace. He strokes his hair, and kisses his forehead tenderly. He laughs into Luke's hair.

"You are so right," he responds, his breath tickling Luke's hair. "I'm exhausted. I got carried away, but honestly I'm not up for sex yet. I don't know what I was thinking."

He meets Luke's softening gaze with a steady one.

"I just love you so much." he says bluntly. "I lost so much time."

"I love you too," Luke says, and he cherishes being able to say it seriously. "But we have the rest of our lives together now."

He is silent for a beat, waiting for Reid to challenge him.

"We do." Reid says soberly.

Luke wraps his arm around Reid's waist, and rebuttons his fly casually.

He kisses Reid deeply, his tongue lacing inside.

"Take me home?" he murmurs.

Reid nods, caressing Luke's cheek. Not wanting to lose contact, he loops his arm around Luke's shoulders.

"Gladly."

Holding each other tightly, they walk back to Luke's house.

Safe

The house is silent and covered in darkness. Luke holds Reid's hand and guides him upstairs to his room.

Luke closes the door and lets out a trembling sigh.

"Safe," he says softly.

Reid regards him with a curious gaze, one eyebrow cocked. "Trying to hide me away, Snyder?" he teases lightly.

"Tomorrow morning, the jig is up," Luke answers. "But I just want tonight to be us."

"Me too." Reid says gently. He walks to the bed, and falls forward with a grateful sigh.

"C'mere," he mumbles into the bedspread.

Luke eagerly hops on the bed, and strokes Reid's back gently. He unties Reid's shoes and drop them on the floor with a clatter. He peels the socks off next, and strokes the arch of Reid's foot with his index finger. He hears a low rumbling from the direction of Reid's head.

Reid tilts his head and narrows his eyes at Luke. "Take off your clothes, and get under the covers." he commands. "You're soaked through."

"You first." Luke says quickly.

Reid rolls over on the bed, and crosses his arms over his chest.

"No." he says stubbornly.

They stare at each other in sullen silence for a moment.

"What happened to the fearless Luke Snyder I knew?" Reid finally sputters. He sits up, and caresses Luke's cheek.

"I know why you're scared," he admits softly. "I'm scared too. But Luke, we are never gonna get past

this fear unless we just go for it."

He grabs Luke's hand, stroking his lifeline with his thumb. He places Luke's hand on his heart, and stares boldly into his eyes.

"Feel that?" he says huskily. "Still beating. Strong and steady heartbeat. I'm a little tired, but it's been a long few months. Luke," his voice cracks, and he looks down for a beat.

"I feel like a ghost." he confesses. "I know I'm not. I'm talking, breathing, walking. But the way you keep looking at me, like I'm going to disappear at any moment -" he exhales shakily.

"I can't take it anymore. What can I do to get that look off your face? Tell me."

Luke feels Reid's heart beating reassuringly under his chest.

"I missed you so much," he says carefully, staring at Reid's chest. "You have no idea."

Reid grabs Luke's chin and tilts his head up to look him in the eyes.

"Yes, I do." he replies briskly. He sits up on the bed, and clasps Luke's hands.

"I was screaming for you," he admits. "They had to sedate me, because I wouldn't stop yelling your name. I fell asleep, and I dreamed about you, and I -"

He looks down at the bedspread, embarrassed.

"You kept me going in recovery, you know. I didn't have anything to look forward to expect coming back to you."

"What about Katie?" Luke asks, trying to divert attention from himself.

Reid shakes his head fiercely, and scoots towards Luke. His knee rests against Luke's legs.

"Katie's my best friend, but you're my - " he trails off. "You're mine." he says firmly.

Luke nods, and puts his hand on Reid's knee, rubbing gently.

Reid covers Luke's hand with his own, and loops his fingers around Luke's wrist.

"I know you told me you wanna wait, and I want to respect that." he says somberly, staring at Luke's still hand. "But - I need you."

Reid moves forward, gently kissing his earlobe. His hand loosely holds Luke's neck.

"I want you, Luke." he says huskily. "I won't break." He licks Luke's ear slowly, and relishes the moment as Luke trembles in anticipation.

Luke's hands tangle in Reid's hair, and he lunges forward to capture Reid's mouth with a searing kiss. He uses the momentum to push them both back onto the bed, and Reid quickly unbuttons his jeans and pushes them to the floor.

"What happens next?" he murmurs. "In your dream?"

Luke shakes his head firmly, and runs his hands along Reid's torso.

"Not yet." he says. "Just lemme look at you."

Reid acquiesces and doesn't move as Luke peels his shirt off, and tosses it off to the side.

Luke's eyes immediately track to his scar, and Reid puts a hand on his hip, and murmurs, "Just a scar, Luke. Nothing more."

Luke doesn't acknowledge Reid's words, and, with slight trepidation, kisses the scar slowly.

Reid exhales, a languid breath which almost feels like a release.

His hands dig into Luke's pants, and fondle his hips with confidence. He begins to rut against Luke's groin, slow, delicate.

"Luke." he hisses, a command. "Take off your pants."

Luke obeys, and slowly unbuttons his pants. He leaves his boxers on, and smirks at Reid, as if to say, Now what?

Reid strokes Luke's erection through the thin material of his boxers, but Luke quickly spies the tiredness in his eyes. He gently removes Reid's hands, and kisses his knuckle.

"Shh shh," he says quietly. "Stop. Let me."

Reid remembers all too well the first time he said that to Luke, and he feels a tender warmth spread in his chest.

He relaxes on the bed, as Luke kisses his mouth. Reid sticks his tongue out after losing contact, and Luke grins slightly. He shifts on Reid's hips, and wiggles out of his boxers.

The sensation of Luke's nakedness grinding against him is almost too much for Reid. He closes his eyes for a moment, and clenches a fist in the bedspread.

Luke marks a trail of kisses down Reid's chest, pausing to suckle each nipple.

"Dr. Oliver," he says, voice low and cloaked with desire. "Touch me."

Reid takes the invitation at face value, clawing at Luke's arm. He reaches Luke's forehead, and tugs tightly on the short hair at the base of his neck.

"What happens next?" Reid says. "In your dream?"

"I suck you off, then you die." Luke blurts out, striving for cool composure. He teases at Reid's chest hair as he speaks.

"This is real, Luke." Reid stresses. He yanks on Luke's hair for emphasis. "I'm gonna hold on the whole time. I won't die."

"I know," Luke says tremulously.

He takes a deep breath, and peels Reid's boxers away from his thighs.

The sight of Reid's length finally before him gives him pause.

"I -" he begins.

Reid rolls his eyes, and thrusts his hips forward invitingly.

"Please." he hisses. "Please."

Luke swallows his fear, and bends down. He kneads Reid's balls with his hands slowly. He watches Reid's mouth work silently, the lust lacing through his eyes.

Luke probes Reid's cock with his tongue, and begins sucking. Encouraged by the keening he hears above him, he increases the pressure and digs his thumbs into Reid's hips.

Reid undulates beneath him, and true to his word, keep his hands tangled in Luke's hair.

"Faster, Luke." he grunts. "Faster."

Luke obliges, and within minutes, he feels Reid's seed spurt into his mouth. He swallows every drop, and releases Reid's cock with a goofy grin. It transforms his face into someone light and youthful.

Reid doesn't waste any time, and pulls Luke toward him, causing him to lose his balance.

He kisses Luke languidly, as he slowly explores Luke's mouth. He kneads the muscles in his lover's back with strong, soothing motions. 

Luke sighs softly, and licks Reid's bottom lip, like a lollipop.

Reid's eyes shine dark blue, as he removes Luke's pants with one hand.

"You never took off your clothes," he says softly. He flips them over fluidly, and massages Luke's chest, before reaching the trail leading to his hardness.

Luke instinctively puts his hand on Reid's chest, and feels his heartbeat once more.

"What now?" he mumbles, joyful.

Luke sucks in surprised air as Reid captures his cock with his hand.

"It's my turn now, Mr. Snyder."

He meets Luke's mouth with a kiss, while stroking his cock with abandon.

Luke bites Reid's shoulder as he comes. He clings to Reid's shoulder, sweat coating his forehead.

Reid sags forward, resting against Luke's chest.

Luke embraces him tightly, stroking his back, up and down, left and right.

Reid exhales with a contented sigh.

"I love you." he says, tracing Luke's mouth with his thumb.

"I know," Luke answers. He watches Reid's eyes blink rapidly, and adjusts himself so Reid can rest on his chest.

Luke kisses Reid's cheek tenderly, and murmurs into his lover's ear, "Sleep now. I've got you."

Reid yawns in response, and his head meets Luke's shoulder. His hand trails down to cover Luke's stomach.

Luke pulls the covers over both of them. He has an urge to move so he can hear Reid's heartbeat, but he stuffs it down. He instead concentrates on the feel of Reid's breath against his chest, slow and even.

He closes his eyes, and pulls his lover closer. He lets himself drift into a peaceful sleep, one without dreams.

When he jerks awake a few hours later, his throat tight with panic, Reid is tangled in him, his arms wrapped around his waist, his legs tight against Luke's thighs.

Luke breathes in and out slowly, and does not speak.

"You're safe now, Luke." Reid murmurs softly. "I'm right here."

The weight Luke has been carrying for months finally resolves, and he feels freeing tears fall.

"I know." he responds. He turns toward Reid in the darkness, and fumbles in the dark to find his cheek. "I know."


End file.
